Colbert: Not a Witch
Talk about a president with balls - the balls to take on a billionaire balloonist!
Rumor has it that Stephen Colbert, Thruthiness-Advocate General and Raconteur-Savant Extraordinaire, recently took on Richard Branson of Virgin fame in a no-holds-barred hydraulic exchange of savagery. After allegedly failing to plug Branson’s new low-cost airline, a newspaper said that a website said that the eccentric tycoon emptied his water glass on Colbert.
“Steven [sic] was DRENCHED,” the unnamed snitch dished to New York media Web site FishbowlNY. “He took a beat, then signaled for his own ammunition for about 20 seconds until Alison (Silverman) ran and gave him her bottle of water, and Stephen retaliated.”
We need a president who is prepared to fight fire with fire, where appropriate; more imporantly, we need a president who knows when you need to fight water with water.
Most importantly, Colbert’s ability to resist the dissociative power of water (one of nature’s most powerful solvents) demonstrates a hiterto-undiscussed reason to vote for, nay, DEMAND Stephen Colbert for President in 2008:
Stephen Colbert is not a witch.
If he were a witch, then upon contact with water Colbert would have undergone aggressive dessication, most likely accompanied by a raspy whisper along the lines of, “What a world,” or “Tell Steagle Colbeagle I love him provided he never turns gay.”
Vote Stephen Colbert in 2008: Not Directly Supporting the Occult.
October 16th, 2007 at 8:59 pm
He’s running! He annouced it tonight on his show!