The Truthiness Is Out There…
Nation, I have finally solved the riddle of how a benevolent and white God could possibly allow the candidacy of Stephen Colbert, would-be favorite son of South Carolina (and potentially favored god-child of, naturally, God), to be so viciously pre-empted by things as simple as $35,000 and the contempt of Democrats.
The answer, so blindingly simple I can’t believe it’s escaped me for so long, is this: Stephen Colbert’s candidacy has NOT ended. No, in fact, it continues. You, however, are either having a nightmare or in a coma having a nightmare, or possibly having a nightmare about being in a coma and having a nightmare in which your life continues on as normal since you went to sleep/became comatized sometime last week. Your mind is now constructing a hellish dystopic future that would make H.R. Giger blush. Stephen Colbert’s apparent lack of a candidacy is merely the first fanciful step of the imagination down a path that will eventually take us somewhere between Mad Max and Bladerunner, maybe with some Postman thrown into the grinder.
By which I mean, if you own a tape or DVD of Kevin Costner’s The Postman … throw it into a grinder. Any will do. Coffee grinder, herb grinder … I believe a garbage disposal qualifies as a grinding device. Use a garbage growler just to be safe. Growler sounds way more like grinder than ‘disposal’ does anyway.
November 5th, 2007 at 7:41 am
Someone publish names and phone numbers of sc committee. We must protest!
November 5th, 2007 at 8:59 am
I called the committee (800 841-1817) (info@scdp.org)and they listened to me but they sort of blew me off. They better start taking Stephen seriously. Everyone should call and email to protest South Carolina’s discrimination against Stephen just because he happens to tell jokes. Every other politician tells a joke once in a while!
November 5th, 2007 at 9:55 am
Disagree with the SC Dems? Let them know what you think:
http://www.colbertforsouthcarolina.com/
November 5th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
My top 10 reasons for Stephen Colbert as President of South Carolina:
10.) Really, do we need to have any reasons to vote for this guy?
9.) The next time a comedian goes on TV and gets the guys from Crossfire fired it could be the Prez himself.
8.) Nacho Cheese Doritos
7.) Second best interviewer after John Stewart. Maybe this way the leader of the free world can actually hold a conversation with the rest of the leaders of the free world. Instead of just trying to look like they are having a good time together.
6.) 1.200.000 Friends on Facebook
5.) "I, Stephen Colbert, do hereby pledge to practice absinth-tinence by remaining absinth-tinent from Absinthe . . . Since Absinthe incidents in many instances induce incipient synesthetic inspiration and sinister synthetic insistence on sin, I sincerely insist I will be absent from instances of Absinthe ingestion, this instant".
If you can say this really fast, you can run this country better then most current runners-for-the-presidency.
4.) ~4200 new voter registrations since putting a link up on Facebook, thats 1 voter a minute. Maybe soon 53 percent in the great state of South Carolina go vote.
3.) The other guys didn’t think that he was who they thought he was. They let him off the hook!
2.) Vice President: John Stewart
1.) He is funnier then W, and he does it on purposery.
Thanks for the info on how to get in touch with the Dems of SC, I just wrote them an email to let them know why Colbert would make a better Prez then the last one!
November 8th, 2007 at 4:30 am
[…] All I know is I’m going to continue to go through a carton of Americone Dream a day until the truthiness is revealed and this crisis is over. By which I mean, I hope I wake up soon. […]
November 8th, 2007 at 9:55 am
MR. COLBERTR YOU SIR:ARE THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE ON TV. I CERTAINLY DO NOT TUNE YOU IN ON COMEDY CENTRAL. BY ACCIDENT I I SAW YOU ON MEET THE PRESS.AND ON THE FACTOR. YOU’RE NOT FUNNY, IN FACT WE FIND YOU OBNOXIOUS, AND POMPAS. YOU ARE A JOKE AND I AM NOT LAFFING. BE WELL, KEEP B SING THE PUBLIC.
November 8th, 2007 at 10:05 am
Mr. Andreoni;
I’m not sure who this “Mr. Colbertr” is with whom you seem to have much beef. I would say you are in fact heavy with beef. And “We” find you obnoxious? Is that the royal we, or are you claiming to represent some form of a constituency? Those with beef say No to Colbert, apparently. And those without dictionaries or keyboards without sticky Caps Lock buttons. Personally, nation, I think we need a new term to describe the failure of an insultor to convey an insult to an insultee (in this case me) due to inherent flaws in grammar and spelling. Today’s word is “MISMEANING” It’s like a misspelling, except it goes so far as to cloud what you mean and generally start the fubar train rolling towards the what-the-hell-happened depot.
If Stephen Colbert is POMPAS, it simply demonstrates his exceptional talents. I mean, I’ve never even heard the word pompas, let alone know that someone could BE it.
Mr. Andreoni, I am not laffing either. In fact, no one is laffing or has ever laffed. I think only the pompas can laff. Such things are beyond us mere mortals.
Finally, I don’t know what it means to B Sing the public. But I’m sure Stephen Colbert can and will do it. And he’ll do it with aplomb; he’ll do it with panache; he’ll do it with god-damn PRESIDENTIALITY!
With great respect and humble gratitude to all posters, as intelligent minds can disagree,
Alex Brant-Zawadzki
StephenColbert08.com
November 8th, 2007 at 10:17 am
[…] p Says: November 5th, 2007 at 7:41 am eSomeone publish names and phone numbers of sc committee. We must […]